fosterthought

These are a few of my favorite things…

It’s my birthday.  So (obviously) I’ve been thinking a lot about myself.  As a result, I’d like to share some of my favorite things with the world, in the hopes that they become some of your favorite things.  All links via youtube, b/c that’s what I have access to at the moment.  This should also silence those who tell me I don’t like anything.

Possibly the Best Arrested Development Clip

If that isn’t it… this probably is

Beulah: Emma Blowgun’s Last Stand

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: In this Home on Ice

Rufus Wainwright: Poses (live on the Vicki Lawrence Show -> HAW!)

Rufus Wainwright: Dinner at Eight (Live on Letterman with guest host Jimmy Fallon!  Foreshadowing!)

Karl Pilkington Pitches a Movie 1/2

Karl Pilkington Does Impressions

Brenda Blethyn’s Amazingly Hilarious First Scene from ‘Little Voice’

Joanna Newsom’s Beautiful ‘New’ Song “Esme”

Jens Lekman: A Man Walks Into a Bar

And, possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, the Ricky Gervais dance from The Office

This is also the funniest thing I’ve ever seen: Ian McKellan on Extras

Arcade Fire: Wake Up.  Best song of the decade?

Counterpoint:  Radiohead: Let Down.  Best song of the 90s.

“Maligne Lake Chalet” is what you’re reading.  On a…

Oh… and this is the best magazine piece of any time ever…

That’s enough for now because I have to get on a train tomorrow to take care of a guinea pig.  Cheers everyone for making this past year actually not bad (<-Highest form of praise I can give).

Let’s not have the same weight in 1978.  Let’s have more.

-Chris

So… this is a thing now…

Remaking the Bob Rivers Christmas parody “classic” ‘The 12 Pains of Christmas”.  You may remember this from the more ‘edgy’ radio station that played Christmas music for holiday season.  It contained hilarious observations about the trials of what is usually considered a joyous time.  Here it is, in its original ‘kooky-take-on-life’ glory:

Ok.  That was hilarious, right?  Can I tell you that the “Christmas Cards” guy has influenced my speech to this day?  Terrible.  Well, for some reason people are taking it upon themselves to make their own music videos for this song, apparently because it doesn’t have an official video.  Hence we have what I assume are teachers, drunk, on Long Island performing it here:

And it’s apparently Halloween?  Why are they in a parking lot?  Where do these people work?  Does it matter that they can’t stick to the script and the “rigging up the lights” lady is desperately over-performing?  No, because here we have a delightful ‘family friendly’ version of the holiday classic (see if you can tell what they changed):

DID YOU GET THAT CHRISTMAS VACATION REFERENCE AT THE END?!?!?!?!  REMEMBER WHEN THEY DID THE DRUMROLL?!?!?!?  And now, for no reason, a poor ginger child:

BILLS! OUTTAKES! Goodbye, western and non-western civilization.

2010: Best Year in Music Ever?

I’m going to go ahead and say 2009 wasn’t the greatest year for music releases.  We’ve all been paying more attention to our best of the decade lists anyway.  But the probable new releases in 2010 have got a lot of promise.  Stereogum has a list of 25 Most Anticipated albums, but I think a good half of them are crap so here’s my own (because I’m up early on a Saturday and it’s cold and the cable’s out).  Anyway, on with my fight against death…

Arcade Fire - not yet confirmed, but there have been enough hints and twitter updates.  They are at least recording so I think it’s inevitable we’ll hear something by year’s end.  ‘Funeral’ was one of the best of the 00s.  ‘Neon Bible’ was pretty good as well, but I think it fell below the target set by all the hype and new media craziness(1-866-NEON-BIBLE, anyone?.

Joanna Newsom - ‘Ys’ was a work of art.  New songs have kept coming since (‘Esame’ being particularly gorgeous) and she’s supposedly recording in Japan, or has finished recording (depending on which fashion magazine you read).  There was a moment when it looked like we’d see the album this fall (after a surprise gig of all-new material in California and an updated status on her booking agent’s page) but hopefully that just means we won’t have to wait long into the new decade to hear it.

Miles Kurosky - Umm… Not many people are excited about this one as I don’t think anyone remembers or cares who Beulah were.  It’s been five years now since their last album and break-up?  Anyway, I loved this band and have been waiting painfully for this album to come out.  We heard a first track (?) on his myspace a year ago but nothing until a splash page for mileskurosky.com proclaimed ‘RAD MARCH 2010’ (after initially being RAD AUTUMN 2009).  I’m just hoping it doesn’t turn out like that other recent ‘Rad’ album.

LCD Soundsystem - ‘Sound of Silver’ was a great album.  Let’s hope this mish-mashed quote from the band doesn’t bode poorly for the new one: “[It’s] different than Sound Of Silver and certainly different than the first one … It still sounds very much like us, like James. It’s maybe slower and it has kind of got some more rock stuff back in it. It also has a bunch of disco influences.”

Midlake - I’m up for this one even though it was the overall sound of ‘Van Occupanther’ I loved.  They’re deviating from that this time around and going into the ’60s British Folk scene’ (so… Donovan?).  It’s out 2/1, so we’ll see what this sounds like then.  Odd that they seem to be touring in Europe when the album comes out in the US.

Panda Bear - ‘Person Pitch’ was, let’s admit it, SO much better than Merriweather Post Pavillion.  Let’s hope the follow-up is just as genius.  Great interview here.

Jens Lekman - These are only rumors as far as I can tell, but if you happen to be in Chicago over New Year’s, check out his string of three shows.

Radiohead - Oh yeah, Radiohead may release another album and turn the music world on its head again.  Pretty sure you’re guaranteed at least four great songs out of it.

Peter Gabriel - Ha.  It amuses me that I’m including a Peter Gabriel album along with the rest of these acts.  However, it’s because it’s a very interesting ‘song-swap’/covers project and the tracklist is astounding.  This is a message board post come to life (What Songs Should PG Cover?/Who Should Cover Which PG Song?).  Check it.  Will there actually be a complimentary album of other artists covering his songs?

Best Coast - LOVE this girl so far.  Lo-fi, poppy, retro.  Can’t wait for the first full-length after a couple great singles.

Also,  Strokes?  Shins?  Band of Horses? Maybe a truly solo Noel Gallagher? I’m not holding my breath, nor am I really expecting much, but there may be a pleasant surprise out there…

Fleet Foxes - Well… they’re supposed to record in early 2010, but we’ll see…  I’m excited for this but am a little skeptical.

Also, Vampire Weekend has an album coming out, but I’m not liking what I’ve heard so far.  Interpol is releasing another one that’s desperately going back to their first album song… we’ll see.

Is this illegal?  This is a commercial breakdown that came out today looking for a new spokesperson for a mystery beer.  I was gobsmacked to see that one of their types they were looking for was everyone’s favorite bald-headed twat, Karl Pilkington:

Hero of the Ricky Gervais Podcast and kidney-stone survivor, Karl Pilkington is a man plucked from obscurity by a semi-sadistic Ricky Gervais who “loves his kooky take on life”.  Karl is unique in his fascination with freaks and his observations, such as “any problem solved, is a problem caused”.  Read up on him on his fan-ran wikipedia spin-off (these things are like Monopoly boards now): Pilkipedia.

He’s about to hit the sub-mainstream with the upcoming animated series of Ricky’s podcast on HBO.  Karl Pilkington.  On HBO.  I guess it was only a matter of time then before Karl worked his way further into the national consciousness.  He’s now a model for a beer commercial:

Thursday, Nov. 12, 2009, 9:47 AM Pacific

UNTITLED BEER CAMPAIGN
Commercial
Casting both NON-UNION and UNION version
RATE: SCALE OR COMPARABLE TO SCALE
USAGE: Public appearances (15 in Year 1)
Radio spots (5 in Year 1)
POS (voice and likeness)

[CHET] Chet is a light beer drinking, blue collar, easy-going 30-35 year old guy. He has a slight Southern twang and is very easy to talk to - which is good because he loves sharing his unique view of the world with anyone who’ll listen. His “Chet-isms” may not always make sense, but they’re funny enough to attract a regular lunch crowd. Whether they’re laughing at him or with him is unknown, but make no mistake, people love Chet. Appearance: Chet is preferably a lanky fellow and could have blonde hair and a moustache. He is not heavy. Actor should be “unkown” with very strong comedic skills and timing. Responsibilities involve recurring commitments including radio, photo shoots and public appearances. The actor should be someone we’re comfortable with being a representative of a brand. Requires an eventual background check to avoid any potential negative publicity.

References:
Kenny Powers (without the anger)
John C. Reilly (in Talladega Nights)
Earl Hickey (My Name is Earl)
Jeff Foxworthy
Karl Pilkington (good reference for how Chet thinks)

—

Congratulations, Karl.  Now, please get your ass on Twitter.

That’s Broadway, Folks

Some angel from above gifted the NYTimes with the transcript of Jeremy Piven’s arbitration hearing.  As a result, we have this hilarious exchange between producer Jeffrey Richards and Piven’s doctor:

“Soon after, Mr. Richards and Dr. Colker had a heated phone conversation, which ended when Dr. Colker abruptly hung up. According to Dr. Colker’s testimony, Mr. Richards called back to say he had secretly recorded their first phone call — then hung up himself. A bit later, Dr. Colker testified, he received a call from a person identifying himself as a USA Today reporter and claiming to have the tape recording. Dr. Colker said he believed the caller was Mr. Richards, disguising his voice. Mr. Richards denied that, and said he had in fact not taped the first call.”

First of all, I’m pretty sure a secretly recorded phone call would be illegal or at least inadmissible.  Secondofly, why would you claim to be from USAToday?  At least say you’re from the Post or something slightly more believable.  And finally, HOW OLD ARE YOU PEOPLE?!  These are the actions of 10 year olds.  Of course, I suppose in the acting community, that’s fairly mature.

[/sushi]

Let’s Talk About Rape

God help me from taking a break in tumbling to post on this.  So last week the world trotted out the Roman Polanski case again so we could all talk about rape and Hollywood and artists and blah blah blah blah blah again.

I’m not going to talk about that because frankly, we’re all sick of hearing about it and what we think doesn’t really matter one way or the other.  It’ll be decided and some people will feel good about it and some won’t.

However:

About two weeks ago, a story broke about a college student at Hofstra who said she was raped by five men in a dorm bathroom.  Pretty awful.  The police, based on her accusation, arrested and jailed four out of the five for two days.  Good, right?  WE GOT ‘EM and all.  Well, not really, because the girl was apparently lying and trying to cover her regretful (I assume) dalliance in multi-partner relations.  How’d they prove she was lying?  Well, one of the men taped part of the encounter on his cellphone because well, pics or it didn’t happen and all.

Now, being fair, everyone here drives me up the wall.  One of the guys who took part in the consensual act said “I would never disrespect women” upon being released from prison (after he and four of his friends had it away with a girl in a bathroom).  However, the County DA announced then that no criminal charges would be filed against the false-accuser, opting instead for therapy and community service.  Later, she stated that “her main goal was to get an admission of guilt”.  So, no real consequence for the liar who, if she had her way, would have put five men behind bars for an unknown amount of time, just because she had regrets about a decision SHE had made.

Lesson here?  Men: VIDEOTAPE EVERY SEXUAL ACT.  It is your only insurance that you will not later be accused of rape, since apparently, there are no real consequences for lying to the police about it.  Women:  IF YOU REGRET SLEEPING WITH THAT GUY, CRYING RAPE IS NO BIG DEAL. You can hold your head a little higher going down that walk of shame, knowing that even if it comes out that you DID intend to sleep with him, it’s only going to cut into your weekends for a short while.

Here’s hoping she gets slapped with a major civil suit.

Also, if an instance of rape is so important and horrifying that we should devote money and resources to a crime that’s 30 years old, in which everyone directly involved with the act has moved on and wants to forget about it, then no one ever, EVER should be allowed to lie about it and get away with it.  An example should be made.  That is the real purpose of punishment after all, not revenge or an abstract subjective idea of ‘justice’, but dissuading both the guilty party and others from committing the same crime in the future.  Let’s think with our heads, people.  [Obviously there are a great many nuances in both cases that make them very different, but I’m primarily sick of everyone getting on their high horse about Polanski when things like this get no attention.]

Happy to revise if presented with calm, logical counter-argument.